


The Way Things Could've Been...

by adVENTitiious



Series: Paint It BLACK [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, What If/Dream Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 11:29:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7313446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adVENTitiious/pseuds/adVENTitiious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Fair warning: Sirius does not top in this.</p>
    </blockquote>





	The Way Things Could've Been...

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning: Sirius does not top in this.

Sirius stepped onto the train, one foot, then the next. It felt weird. Grey eyes flicked left then right, fellow students greeting each other and laughing as a whistle blared from the front, and he began down the hallway alone as a sixth year.

James was helping Lily to her car, Peter was already sitting somewhere, having boarded immediately so he could go through the care package his mother had given him. And Remus—Sirius frowned as a group of Hufflepuff witches giggled shyly as he passed them—he didn't know _where_ the bloody hell Remus was, because he hadn't gone to the station with the three of them, having left James's house days before after he had left Sirius lying on his bed after an argument, and he hadn't returned. Or owled.

"Sirius, Sirius wait up!"

Sirius stopped, eyes falling closed when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around slowly. "Hey Greg," he said to the Slytherin standing before him with widened eyes. "Long time no see," he said pushing up a crooked grin.

"Yeah. How was your summer?" the wizard asked, looking like he wanted to say more as he shifted nearer, students moving around them and pushing them even closer together in the crowded hall.

Sirius shrugged one shoulder, not quite holding back a grimace as he leaned on the inside wall of the train. "I've had better."

Greg nodded as brown eyes shifted to the floor. "I heard what happened. That you left home. You doing okay?"

Sirius breathed out slowly, and he shifted back a step to look into the compartment behind him, finding it empty he pulled open the door and looked to the Slytherin. "Let's talk in here," he said, not wanting the whole of Hogwarts or anyone for that matter to hear about his break.

"Yeah okay," the wizard said and moved in as Sirius held the door open.

The Gryffindor glanced around quickly and then entered the car, charmed the window to it dark before turning around. "Listen—"

" _Sirius_ ," the wizard said, cutting him off - only inches from him - and he pressed his lips to his.

Sirius let out a noise of surprise, and pushed the wizard back. "Greg, what the hell?"

Greg shook his head, looking uncharacteristically unsettled. "I'm sorry. I've just missed you, and I didn't see you before we left or on the train, and you didn't answer any of my letters. I was so worried. Did you not get any of them?"

Sirius blinked slowly. "...What?"

Greg moved closer then and his hands were on the wizard's neck as he met his gaze. "Are you upset with me over something?"

Sirius tried to process the unexpected string of events as fingers ran along his neck. "Greg, you broke up with me," he said slowly but not for his own benefit.

"I." The Slytherin frowned, and he shook his head slightly. "No I didn't. What are you talking about?"

Sirius carefully unwrapped the wizard's hands from around him. "You said we were through. Remember? After Remus?"

Brown eyes narrowed. "What happened with Remus?"

Sirius studied the wizard for a moment. "Don't you remember the night of the party?" The wizard's expression grew more muddied. "In the dorm? When we went up, and found Remus there?"

Greg cleared his throat, looking perturbed. "Sirius. I didn't go to the party. I came down with a fever right after dinner, I asked Briony to tell you, didn't she?"

Sirius's eyes fell shut for a long moment, and he let out a heavy breath. "No." He shook his head, a sudden heaviness in his chest as he met increasingly bewildered brown eyes. Shit. "No. She didn't. I thought I spent the evening with you."

The train lurched to a start just then as a look of comprehension began to overtake the Slytherin's expression, darkening it. He lowered himself onto the bench and ran a hand over short hair as he studied the seat across from him. "Right. Ah. And why did _I_  break up with you?" he asked suddenly quiet.

Sirius found himself moving closer and taking the seat beside the wizard, who had leaned over, elbows resting on his legs. "Greg, listen-"

"Did you cheat you on me, Sirius?" he asked, not looking up, "With Remus?"

Sirius shook his head. " _No_ ," he said quickly. "No, I didn't. I swear."

Brown eyes flicked up. "Then what?"

Sirius hesitated only for a second, finally feeling some of the guilt he probably should have at the time. "I didn't trust you to use a health-checking charm on Remus when he was sick."

Greg blinked a few times and then sat more upright. He seemed to think it over. And then he laughed. "That's all?" he asked, sounding relieved. He shifted closer.

Sirius nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, I mean. I wasn't nice about it." Grimacing slightly when his mind helpfully recalled the event he'd rather forget. "I was a _huge_ arsehole to you actually. And then _you_ said you didn't want to talk to me ever again."

Greg laughed again and then without warning he pulled Sirius into another kiss. And then the door opened.

Sirius jerked back at the sound, grey eyes swinging over to find - Remus staring at them, eyes wide. "Remus," he said, shoving himself up. " _Remus_ , it's _not_ what it looks like." He moved towards the wizard-

"Stop," Remus said, his voice low and tight as he held out a hand to keep Sirius from approaching any more. Hazel eyes landed on the wizard behind Sirius who had stood up, looking bemused.

"Hullo Remus," the wizard greeted hesitantly.

And then hazel eyes flicked back to land on Sirius. "I was just checking if you'd missed the train, I'll see you in the compartment," he said and then the sandy blond turned and walked off.

Sirius stood for a second, dumbstruck, and then he took off, ignoring Greg's call from behind him. "Remus! Wait!" he shouted, running after the sandy blond who was stalking down the hall. "Remus! Hold-"

Remus rounded on him when he was a few strides away, stopping him cold. "What the hell do you want from me, Sirius?"

Sirius blinked a few times. "What? I-" He blinked a few more times and then began to shake his head emphatically. "Remus, I swear, that was _not_ what it looked like."

The sandy blond crossed his arms, and he huffed a laugh, the sound dripping with a coldness that had Sirius almost moving back. The werewolf shifted closer. "What was it then?"

Sirius shook his head, not sure he wanted to actually tell him.

" _Right_ , well _thanks_ for clearing that up. I am such a bloody fool." Remus started to turn away, and Sirius's hand shot up to grab the wizard's arm and pull him back around.

"Remus, don't. Just _don't_. I'm telling you, it was nothing." He closed his eyes when he felt his thoughts try to float away, feeling lightheaded. "I can explain, just promise me you'll let me finish."

"Fine."

Sirius nodded, forcing grey eyes open. "Greg and I are still together," he blurted and when Remus's eyes widened, he continued in a rush, "I thought we'd broken up, but it wasn't him, it was someone else pretending to be him, and he didn't know. So he found me when I boarded, and he didn't know about us, because-" Sirius winced. "Well because he started kissing me before I could tell him."

Remus spoke up, his voice rough. "All right. So you're telling me you two are still together."

Sirius nodded regretfully. "Yeah, but Remus, I don't-"

"Stop." Remus held up his hand, and he shook his head, the movement so slight it almost went unnoticed. "I can't." He paused, muscles tense. "Sirius, I can't."

And then he turned, and Sirius watched as the wizard walked away from him, opening the door to their car, James's laughter sneaking out before it shut again soundly.

Sirius ran a hand up into his hair, pulling roughly at black locks, feeling like he might fall apart, and wanting to speed the process so he couldn't think anymore. _Can't. Can't._ What did that _mean_? He turned, feeling much like he had the night Remus had left him in his bed - but worse - and legs carried him back to the door he had exited in a rush to get his trunk.

"Sirius," Greg stood up, brown eyes unsure as he watched the wizard enter the compartment once more, the door sliding shut behind him. "I'm sorry. I. I don't know what-"

"Greg," Sirius said with a shake of his head, feeling terrible as he stood stiffly by the door, wanting nothing more than to dump the wizard without any explanation and leave. "Don't fucking apologize." He forced out a held breath and looked up at the wizard. "I've been messing around with Remus ever since I thought you broke up with me." The Slytherin said nothing. "A lot."

Greg slowly lowered back onto the bench, gaze dropping to the rumbling floor. "Ah. I see."

Sirius let out a rough laugh, scrubbing at his hair, Remus's words taunting him. _I can't. I can't._ Fuck that. "Yeah. Sorry," he said numbly.

"So. You're together again? Exclusively?"

Sirius shook his head, the question only pushing him closer to something he couldn't define. "No. We're not dating," he forced out. Because Remus _wouldn't_ date him. Just like he _wouldn't_  talk to him just then or the other night. He kept leaving him. Sirius scrubbed at his hair again, feeling uncomfortable in his own skin.

"Oh." And the wizard stood up. "All right. Ah. Well. What do you want then ...from me?"

Sirius looked up, meeting the wizard's gaze, finding hurt and apprehension but something else there that made his chest clench involuntarily. And he shook his head slowly as he swallowed hard. He needed to break up with him. He knew he did. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

He didn't respond. He understood Remus now.

"Sirius, you all right?"

Hands were on his neck, and he started, finding concerned chocolate-colored eyes too close, the wizard not sure how he'd not seen him approach. "It's fine Greg," he said in a rough voice, his eyes starting to prick. Remus didn't want him anymore, that was why he kept leaving, but he felt too bad to actually do it, to end it between them.

"I still want to be with you, Sirius, please don't do this."

Sirius swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat as thumbs slid over the skin just above gently. "You do?" he asked, and he clenched grey eyes shut in shame, because he sounded needy and pathetic, and it hurt. Being with Remus hurt. Lips pressed softly to his.

"I do," was said, fervently, "more than anything." Lips pressed again, and Sirius's eyebrows pushed down and in as an unbearable pain grew in his chest. "I would do _anything_ for you. I won't leave you unless you ask me to, no matter what."

Sirius felt his lips part, and Greg's tongue slipped in. His hands lifted to the wizard's chest to push him away, but he found them sliding up further instead, up the wizard's neck and grasping his face, and he swallowed a deep groan from the wizard. "Greg..." he said, his voice low, begging, and he felt hands on his slacks, and he sucked in a breath when the wizard's fingers only seconds later wrapped around him. " _Fuck_."

"Sirius," the wizard said, his voice rough. "Let me fuck you, _please_."

Sirius felt the air expel itself from his lungs, as fingers tightened around him. "I don't know..."

"I want to be inside you."

Sirius closed his eyes, black lashes brushing high cheekbones as he clenched them shut tightly, and he felt a tongue run over him, and his knees tried to buckle. "Fuck..." He fought to think as his body rushed with excitement, his thoughts not making sense. And then the mouth was gone, and he felt hands working at his belt buckle, a hot breath on the nape of his neck as fingers pushed down his pants, and he was nudged towards the bench.

"Please Sirius. I need you."

And the wizard was climbing on the bench behind him, grey eyes stared unseeing at lowered blinds before them as the train sped underneath them. He felt pressure and he bit down on his lower lip as slick fingers slid over him, and he felt his lungs fill, trying to rid him of the sudden emptiness he felt. He pressed back, and tension gave way to burning as fingers slowly began to move further inside him. And then they began to pump.

"Fuck Sirius. Why can't I let you go?"

Sirius shook his head, a groan catching in his throat when he felt something larger rub against him, and he lowered his head as a hand ran up under his shirt to grab his side. And he breathed heavily as he tried to think.

And then there was a familiar _burning_ pain, and all attempt at thought left the wizard.

"Holy fu-uck."

A body pressed down over his back as he struggled to breathe, arms wrapping around his chest in what felt like a hug and then hips began to move against him, undulating. "Sirius. You feel so good. So good."

Lips were pressing to his neck, and he nodded as breaths tore from his lips in uneven bursts. He grunted when the wizard pulled out farther only to thrust back in harder.

"I love you so much, Sirius, why don't you love me?"

Sirius shook his head, the wizard angling his hips to press against a spot inside the wizard that made his neglected body part surge to life. "Fuck Greg, yeah. Right. There."

Hips jerked forward again. Hard. Sirius let out an 'ah-h' that didn't sound as manly as he would have liked. "Like that?" They did it again.

"Yess," Sirius gasped. "Fuck. Fuck me harder."

The wizard lifted up from his back, hands grabbing onto Sirius's sides roughly as he complied, and Sirius let out a stilted groan. "Don't leave me, Sirius, please," the wizard said, "I won't be able to bear it." And then he began to pound into him.

Sirius dropped his head, hovering just over the cushions as wave after wave of pleasure crashed into him, his chest clenching as his heart protested. "But Remus," he said.

Hips sped up even more. "I'll share," was gasped, "I'll share you with him."

And Sirius felt his breath catch in his throat when a hand wrapped around him, tugging only a few times before he was finishing all over the cushion beneath him, the wizard brushing up against a spot inside him and making him moan unintelligibly with each slowing thrust.

" _Si-rius_ ," was groaned.

He swallowed, his mouth dry and throat drier as he held himself on suddenly tired hands and knees, the wizard slipping out behind him, and his eyes shut softly as his thoughts came back into focus with a sickening sharpness. He felt cleaning charms on his body, and he was handed his pants. He looked down at them, his fist clenching around them, pressing the black material into the cushion below as his heart tried to figure out what its actual purpose was. "Greg," he said in a hoarse voice as he shifted down to sit.

"Yeah Sirius?"

The wizard shook his head, and he pulled on his pants numbly, grabbing his slacks from the floor and pulling them on too. He lifted his hips to buckle his belt. And then he settled down on his side with his shirt still untucked, feeling dizzy as his head landed in the wizard's lap, and fingers were in his hair but not the ones he wanted, and he realized what he'd done and what all the wizard had said to him. "I'm sorry," he said, "I never meant to hurt you."

* * *

Greg Zabini sat up with a start, muted green sheets pooling in the wizard's lap. " _Shit_."

The twenty-one year old, breathing irregularly, glanced down at his wife sleeping unawares on his left before pushing down sheets and climbing out of their bed carefully so as not to awake her.

Bare feet traversed over magically heated stone flooring, and then the wizard was opening a door to an oversized bathroom that was all black marble with pewter accents.

He passed over a plush green rug, his dark exposed chest and arms clammy, and he stopped at the shiny black ceramic bowl before him. He hesitated, and the too fresh mental picture of Sirius screaming and laughing as he was dragged to Azkaban flashed before his spotting out vision.

The wizard's chest convulsed as he dropped to a crouching position, his dinner violently forcing its way out.

He should've told him...


End file.
